Professional help and understanding is needed to continue supporting those who need us, Your email address will not be published. But it doesn't work if the person is high on drugs or drunk, or even too out of touch with reality to assess the situation. Assailing a person for symptoms beyond their control isn’t love, it is sadism. For other people, managing their mental illness may be down to getting the right medication and adjusting it to the right dosage, it may be other therapy treatments that are more complex or it may be situational and will unlikely go anywhere until the situation causing it has changed. Do some research into the symptoms, so that you can better understand what is typical for them to experience. It isn't used to punish. Tough love, or, abusive love actually, was what got me there in the first place. Tough love is an expression that was first introduced to the public by author Bill Milliken in his book, Tough Love, published in 1968. ... All this stuff about removing stigma from mental illness is well meaning but... very very complicated! When you push someone with an anxiety disorder for example, into things that are too big for their anxiety, you only end up reinforcing the fears behind their intrusive thoughts and setting them back in their recovery. The Positive Effects of Love on Mental Health Love has been defined in various ways. Just like someone can’t just forget about their broken leg so that they can walk for you. When it comes to mental illness and any addiction, it's important to remember that tough love is used to bring the problem to the forefront and cause the person to make a choice to heal or not. There are many complexities to a persons mental illness, including trauma, years of learned habits and chemical imbalances in the brain. Seriously, just acknowledge them! Thank you so much for this! Tough love is commonly used to try and help addicts become sober. Avoid making them feel bad about having a mental illness. It isn't used to punish. When a person becomes manic, they begin to lose touch with reality and lack insight and awareness into their thoughts and actions. Always know that no matter what you struggle with, your mental health does not make you less of a person. “Tough love might look like an appropriate response, but it often backfires by further damaging the frayed connections to the people to whom the child is closest.” This last statement resonated very strongly with me. Related: How To Explain Social Anxiety To Someone Who Doesn’t Have It 10 Social Anxiety Myths And Why They’re Total Bullshit When Your Illness Becomes An Inconvenience To Others. It is so refreshing to hear someone else say that I don’t have to make other people feel better when my illness makes them uncomfortable. But, … Treatment can be a long, difficult process and some mental illnesses don’t just go away after treatment, they have to be managed for life. Filed Under: Anxiety, Depression, Mental Health. Don’t blame them or belittle them for their mental health. Sometimes it means giving an ultimatum of going for treatment or … This is especially true where a co-occurring mental illness is present. When talking about a loved one going through a manic episode, I don't think that 'tough love' is going to work. To love someone with depression, you need to love them wholeheartedly, without conditions. The Daily Telegraph’s coverage of the study is broadly accurate and it also went to the trouble of including a dissenting view about the merits of smacking. There is nothing healthy about tough love in the context of mental illness. Acknowledge what they’re going through. From a deep feeling of affection, to the embodiment of virtues that always protects, trusts, hopes, and … When she got discharged from the hospital and came home, her mood got really really nasty. My mental illness is exactly that, an illness. After finally fighting back for my life and dignity against every abusive act, putting the fear of God in them the way they always did to me, they finally backed off, they finally understood, and true healing began. The clear message being sent is the only way to regain the support and interaction and everything that comes with it is to agree to accept help in the form of drug rehab. I can’t simply push my mental illness aside to do everything you want me to. Currently you have JavaScript disabled. Your email address will not be published. Ask them how they’d like you to support them and what help if any that they want from you. Validating them isn’t going to make their mental health worse, it’s just going to make them feel safe and supported. Posted on October 7, 2017 April 6, 2020 Author Anne Moss Rogers Categories Addiction Tags is tough love the right way to treat an addict, should I use tough love, tough love, tough love and addiction, tough love and mental illness 12 Comments on Is tough love the right thing to do? Tough love addiction treatment has long predominated the recovery community, to the detriment of addicts and their families. Over 250 self-help support groups and discussion forums for people who need emotional support, help with a mental health, relationship, parenting, or sexual problem, and mental illness support. The only criteria that seems to matter to them is that the behavior bothers them. Why Tough Love Doesn’t Work For Mental Illness There are many complexities to a persons mental illness, including trauma, years of learned habits and chemical imbalances in the brain. People with bipolar have the “tough” bit covered. Subscribe to the free 7 day anxiety course, Being A Mental Health Blogger Doesn't Mean You Need To Be Perfect, 40 Worst Things To Say To Someone With Depression. with depression mental illness or any other medical disease like cancer, diabetes, chronic pain, heart disease, AIDS, etc. Click here for instructions on how to enable JavaScript in your browser. I know this all too well as I have been pushed more than once over the years, into situations that I have definitely not been ready for which resulted in several breakdowns. However, once an addict hits rock bottom, tough love is probably too little too late. I no longer believe in tough love when it comes to folks who have a serious mental illness, however it doesn’t mean that that parents or siblings have to put up with abusive behavior. Tough love is a response to the non-response of a loved one to recognize the need for treatment and acceptance that they are ill, mentally ill. Your email address will not be published. Heroin abuse in the United States is reaching epidemic proportions. A spokesperson for the NSPCC is quoted as saying: “Smacking is not an effective form of pu… Less anxiety in 7 days. How I was being sick everyday, I couldn’t stop shaking, sweating, panicking and I didn’t feel safe at any point of the day. Required fields are marked *. ... pop up on his Caller ID. Tough love is the act of sternness or unsentimental demeanor toward an addict and their addiction. They fall in love after having to work together on a construction site. 5th January 2020 by Kelly Jean Leave a Comment. What works in addition to medical treatment, ie, therapy & medication is compassion, support, kind words and most of all love. I'm Kel, a lifestyle and mental health blogger, living in Somerset with my partner and twin boys. What does seem to work is being very firm with boundaries. This is amazing! ... when it comes to mental health problems, data does suggest a close connection. By day I'm a professional photographer and by night I blog about managing anxiety, depression, having a chronic illness and many other things. Tough love can help your loved one accept treatment, but addiction is a disease as well, so it does require medical assistance. Your tough love doesn’t work on my mental illness. Perhaps it is fear of enabling that causes some people to approach addiction with the tough love method. Get yourself educated on what your loved one is going through. Why Tough Love Doesn’t Work Most people would probably not consider going to the extremes that these programs employ. Click here for instructions on how to enable JavaScript in your browser. Kelly @ MindfullyMad.com, Many people fail to understand the true situation in which those suffering from mental illness are living; they think that it’s something that can be solved quickly and many also choose to walk away. I had radiation treatment after work. Currently you have JavaScript disabled. Molly March 29, 2016, 9:16pm #10 Why Tough Love Doesn’t Work For Mental Health. Click here for instructions on how to enable JavaScript in your browser. In order to post comments, please make sure JavaScript and Cookies are enabled, and reload the page. When you say “time for tough love”, what you’re really saying is that you’re inconvenienced by my mental illness or that you don’t really believe in its existence. It also made me realize that those who have loved ones battling mental illness need encouragement and support as much as we do. In order to post comments, please make sure JavaScript and Cookies are enabled, and reload the page. The study was published in the peer-reviewedjournal Parenting: Science and Practice. A free email course to help you reduce your anxiety. A loved one gives tough love in hopes that the addict will take responsibility and solve their addiction problem. And twin boys disease, AIDS, etc used to try and help become. 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